Disappointed or Envious?
August 16, 2013
Someone in my family told me they weren’t sure if they were disappointed or envious of me. This person said that I have so many talents and gifts, I could’ve done anything I wanted with my life, and they didn’t yet seem to think that I’d done what I was “supposed” to – echoing something that’s been repeated to me since I was young: “You’re not living up to your full potential.”
At the same time, this person admitted that they didn’t know anyone else with my capacity for enjoying life.
And so they were unsure: disappointed with what they felt I hadn’t accomplished, given my intelligence and abilities, or envious that things always seemed to work out for me and that despite a lack of clear and commonly accepted life accomplishments during the first 34 years of my life, I seemed to enjoy life more than most.
Their disappointment interested me. Within their mind there was an invisible ruler that I wasn’t measuring up to. Not good enough, incorrect, I was doing life wrong.
Yet I believe that I am doing exactly what I came here to do – enjoy life, live it, gain experience, wisdom and understanding through living and studying spirituality, myself, and the world, and share it with others.
Some people might be hurt by being told by someone that they were disappointed in them. But I saw the judgment as the judgment against oneself, a projection of the fears that spin in the mind.