Change

I saw today on Facebook that one of my cousins was surprised by some sudden changes in her life. I made a comment about better things coming.

A bit later I went to read my Daily Dose of Sanity, and the topic was… change!

Change is almost always frightening because the unknown is scary. But on the other side of fear is excitement – the potential for something new, stimulating, and even better.

The following is today’s excerpt from Alan Cohen’s book Daily Dose of Sanity. I’ve been reading it every morning for a few years now. I often find the entries to be oddly relevant and synchronistic.

Change always comes bearing gifts. – Price Pritchett

When I saw an ad for a valuable cell-phone upgrade, I called the phone company and placed an order. The agent told me that the response to the promotion was so great that there would be a 30- to 90-day wait for the phone. Okay, I can wait, I figured, and resigned myself to doing so. A week later while driving into town, I dialed a number from my cell phone. To my surprise, I received the message: “Your phone is not authorized for use. Please call the business office.” The business office had no clue why my phone would not function. My bill was paid, and their diagnostic test showed no problem. I talked to several agents, none of whom had any answers. “Try calling later,” they told me. I felt frustrated and confused, but I had no choice, so I decided to just table the issue for the moment. When I arrived home later that day, I found a FedEx box sitting at my doorstep. Inside was my new cell phone. I plugged it in, and it worked perfectly. The company had disconnected my old phone because it had transferred service to my new one.

If something in your life is not working anymore, do not fight to reinstate it or keep it alive. Hanging on to what has outlived its usefulness will create stress, confusion, and no real results. You will go in circles and only grow more frustrated. If you have to struggle or fight to keep an old thing going, it probably no longer belongs to you – and you do not need it. At some point your best move will be to simply let go and trust. Then marshal your energy in a forward direction. Quit focusing on what was, and focus on what is next. Ask yourself, “If that was not it, then what is it?” When you can tap into that answer, you will understand why the other thing had to go. Sometimes you have to release the old before you discover what the new is. Who knows, you might just find something better at your doorstep.

How might you make room for what is new and better by releasing what has outlived its usefulness?

Affirmation: I do not need to fight to hold on to anything. I trust and let the universe deliver my good.

My cousin has helped me through some huge changes in my life these past two years; I hope this reminder to trust will give her a bit of relief during the changes she’s now going through.

Love you cuz!

Look for the silver lining! Italy 2013

The LightLiving Challenge – Day 11

Letting go of clothing is particularly difficult for me. I have let go of so much of my clothing in the past two years – first clearing out 3/4 of my wardrobe before leaving California, then slowly releasing items as I traipsed around the world.

I always feel like I have too many clothes. I think it’s because I aspire to have only items that I love; since I haven’t yet reached that goal, it naggles at me.

It’s interesting, clothing. I suppose in my formative years I identified very strongly with my clothing – I puffy painted every single item I wore until I hit puberty; then in high school I wore all kinds of ‘weird’ stuff – metallic satin silver skirts, gold velvet pants, blue velour 70s thrift shop finds. I think the fear of the difficulty of finding stuff that I love has stuck with me. And so much of our worth and perceived attractiveness – mine, anyways – is tied up with the packaging we present ourselves in. I have a fear that I might be getting rid of some of my value if I get rid of something that I might “need” to make me look good. I know it’s crazy but it’s still there.

I’ve also realized that my fear of not having money in the future to get what I need when I need it is tied to my general lack of self-worth when it comes to work – ie, deep down I don’t believe that what I have to give is of any value, so any kind of work situation makes me extremely uncomfortable on deep subconscious levels. Part of the personal healing work I’ve been doing lately is working through those blocks.

I came across this list of characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics. A lot of what I said above is tied to the characteristics listed; it’s comforting to see them listed and know that I’m not just innately flawed, retarded or lazy; there are reasons for my blocks and fears, and that I can work through them with time. And I see the progress I’ve made. I’m getting close to some breakthroughs. Hell, doing this video challenge is somewhat of a breakthrough, in a way.

Today’s Five Releases

1. Grey skirt

2. Black tights

3. Turquoise sweater

4. White sweater

5. Magenta sarong

 

Today’s Three Keeps

1. Turquoise sarong

2. Smartwool zipper sweater

3. Blue & brown Hard Tail top

 

Thanks for joining me on this journey!

The LightLiving Challenge – Day 8

In today’s video I share my Five Releases and my Three Keeps, I share some gorgeous photos of Italy, and I also share some tears. I’m quite uncomfortable expressing fear or sadness and crying in front of other people; but as it’s my fears that got me crying this morning, I figured I might as well face one right away by posting a video about it!

Following your dreams is terrifying. And by following your dreams I mean follow your intuition, your heart path, and doing what you feel called to do, even if you don’t know why. I felt called to do this challenge and to make videos. This morning someone asked me what the point was – WHY was I doing this challenge? What is the point of making videos every day? What is my goal? Ie, How is this contributing to me figuring out my life and how to make a living??

And then all the fears came flooding out. I don’t know! I don’t know what I’m doing! I don’t know what’s going to happen! I don’t know how I’m going to pay bills! I don’t have answers. I’m just trying to do what I feel is truest for me, even if it makes no rational sense.

I have so many fears that I’m trying to work through. I’m trying not to just give up, to go back to the old secure and deadening life of regular paychecks and car insurance payments. Why is that such a huge question? Why do our entire lives focus around HOW WILL YOU MAKE MONEY? Money, a completely made-up thing… funny how something that’s just a belief can upset us so much.

When I was crying this morning (before the video), I sat there breathing through the fear/pain/sadness, breathing deep and strong, almost hyperventilating, my face tingling after a few minutes. I could feel the energy moving through me, my head hurting, my neck tense. I kept gulping air. And then it began to dissolve. It came back to me how I’d been taught as a child that it was wrong and shameful to cry. Growing up I’d always gone to my room alone, put some music on my headphones, and muffled my sobs into my teddy bear. I don’t think I  cried in front of any of my friends until I was into my twenties.

In the last week, a few odd things in my body have come up: My knuckle’s been hurting in an arthritis-y way for a little over a week. Three or four days ago I stubbed my pinkie toe on a rock so hard that it turned purple. I won’t subject you to a photo of my toe but let’s say that it swelled up and resembles a cherry. Or a purple grape.

Yesterday, I totally ate it while climbing down a hill and skinned my knees. I’m not usually klutzy. I’ve also been binging on chocolate and bread.

I realized that all of these things were signals for the underlying emotions bubbling below – subconscious attempts at distraction, sabotage, or getting my attention.

I checked my book “Heal Your Body” by Louis Hay to find out the meanings:

 

PROBLEM: Joints (Knuckle)

PROBABLE CAUSE: Represent changes in direction in life and the ease of these movements.

NEW THOUGHT PATTERN: I easily flow with change. My life is Divinely guided, and I am always going in the best direction.

 

PROBLEM: Toes

PROBABLE CAUSE: Represent the minor details of the future.

NEW THOUGHT PATTERN: All details take care of themselves.

 

PROBLEM: Knee

PROBABLE CAUSE: Represents pride and ego.

NEW THOUGHT PATTERN: I am flexible and flowing.

 

 

Well, there you go. 

So why share all this? Well, one, because it scares me, and I’m practicing doing things that scare me.  And two, if you’ve ever felt afraid or alone or confused, maybe this will help remind you that you’re not alone. There is no feeling or emotion that you’ll ever have that no one else has ever felt. We’re all in this crazy life game together, here to play being sad and fearful. It’s part and parcel with the pleasure and joy of being human.

One thing I will say about all this – I’m learning how to edit videos. I’m learning how to let go of more crap. I’m learning how to ‘ship’ stuff I create – blogs and videos – every single day. I’m learning to create and share  while caring less and less what others think of me.

And most importantly, I’m letting go. Of crap I don’t need, and also of some of my fear.

Thanks for joining me on this journey!

 

Today’s Release List:

1. Chemically shampoo

2. Sesame oil

3. Box

4. Book: Raja Yoga

5. Book: The Yeast Syndrome

 

Today’s Keep List:

1. Turquoise & gold earrings

2. Blue crystal earrings from the Dalai Lama in Milan, 2012

3. Buddha earrings from Fern’s Garden, Belmont Shore/Long Beach (the sell Jacob’s Wind chimes, which are the BEST wind chimes EVER).

Photo by me! Spring in Bloom, yesterday, Italy, 2013

The LightLiving Challenge – Day 6

Two years of Nomadic living on three different continents and I STILL feel like I have too much stuff. So I’m doing this 30-day challenge to declutter, minimalize, lighten my load and my life!

30 days.
Every day:
Releasing 5 things I don’t need/want/love and
Choosing 3 things I love/want to keep.
And posting a video! Every single day!
Simplify, clarify, focus, freedom!

KEEPERS: The three things for today that I own and I love and am keeping:

1. Turquoise and magenta zipper top – This is my #1 favorite item of clothing at the moment, and has been for almost 3 years now. It’s made by Green Apple Yoga Wear, and though I’ve worn it LITERALLY hundreds of times (and even washed it occasionally , it looks as good as the day I bought it. It’s 70% bamboo viscose, 25% organic cotton, 5% spandex. I got it back in 2010 when I went to New Mexico with my bestie Katy; we went to a yoga class at the amazing Body Yoga studio/cafe/boutique in Santa Fe (I LOVE Santa Fe) and it was love at first sight. Totally worth the investment.

2. Book: Earth Dance by Elisabet Sahtouris - I love this book. I originally heard Elisabet speak at Deepak Chopra’s Sages & Scientists conference in 2011. This conference was one of the highlights of my life – and not just because I showed up without a ticket and talked my way into a $2,000 event on sheer will and enthusiasm, but also because I felt like I’d finally found my metaphysical/scientific tribe. I just found the entire book online, but I’ve highlighted up the copy I have and I love keeping physical copies of my favorite books to flip through. Random passage:

“Slime molds thus are capable of specialization and cooperation under hunger conditions, if not otherwise. Note that we have now found hunger as the prod behind the cooperative evolution of nucleated cells, the invention of cooperative sexual reproduction, and the evolution of multicelled-creature cooperatives – all creative responses very different from the competitive struggle Darwin attributed to food shortages… Our present human process of globalizing seems to be forming us into a new planet-sized multi-creatured cell, in what we might call a fractal biology of repeating evolutionary patterns.”

Yeah, I’m a nerd. I love evolutionary biology, and I love unconventional ideas and outsider science. FYI, the whole competition/survival of the fittest model that we’ve been taught is incorrect; it’s misrepresentation of Darwin, who discusses cooperation, love and moral sensitivity MUCH more than competition. Darwin’s teachings were twisted and misconstrued for political and economic means – ie to support capitalism rather than communism. Anyways, back to our regular programming:

3. Gold eye powder – Super glittery metallic. I get compliments every time I wear it. One of the last cosmetics I’ve kept. By Sugarpill.

 

RELEASES: The five things I’m releasing today:

1. White blouse – Not that flattering or comfortable. Don’t love it.

2. Doll tank – Also not that flattering or comfortable. Don’t love it.

3. Nail polish – I’m done wearing nail polish. I don’t want the chemicals seeping into my flesh (as they do), and I don’t want to worry about upkeep. Simplify, simplify, simplify (this is also why I chopped off all my dyed hair. Natural is so much simpler!).

4. Old chap stick – Badger Creamy Coco Cocobutter Lip Balm is one of my favorite chap sticks ever. It doesn’t have any nasty chemicals, and it’s one of the rare chap sticks that  doesn’t make my lips MORE chapped, like 80% of the chap sticks out there. – I love this stuff and I’m bummed that I’ve finally scraped the last remaining bits out of the tube with my thumbnail. I’ve been out of the

5. Shhh…it Happens Poo-Pourri bathroom spray – This is the best bathroom spray ever. Also non-chemically (made with essential oils), you spray it into the toilet before you go and it creates a ‘smell barrier.’ Totally works. But I haven’t used it since I got to Europe so time to let it go (I’m gonna donate it to the Academy).

 

See the full list here.

Happy LightLiving!

The LightLiving Challenge – Day 5

Today’s Five Releases

1. Nail file from yesterday – I realized I already had a metal nail file! So no need for this pink one.

2. Black top – Here at Ananda Europa there’s an attic where everyone puts the clothing and stuff they no longer want; I found this top there. It has the Gayatri Mantra written on it, which is one of my favorites chants. But, it’s too short (the top, not the chant). Out!

3. Book: Release Your Brilliance by Simon T. Bailey – I didn’t even recognize the synchronicity of this title. RELEASE! Ha!

Random passage:

“Seek the guidance of people who can help you live your assignment. Some people pass through your life, and others come into your life. Those who pass  through will intersect with your life at a specific point in time or during a particular event. Be open to those who appear during these times. Whether or not you or they know it on a conscious level, their sole purpose is to help you reach the next level of fulfilling your Universal Assignment and releasing your brilliance.”

4. Book: El Principito by Antoine De Saint-Exupéry – I love the Little Prince. I bought this copy in Spanish in Argentina.

Random passage:

-No, pero puedo depositarlas en el banco.

-Qué quiere decir eso?

-Quiere decire que escribo en un papelito la cantidad de mis estrellas. Y después cierro el papelito, bajo llave, en un cajón. 

I just realized who I’m going to give this to – a friend is doing the Camino del Santiago next month (and I would absolutely love to go with him…). I’ll give him this book to brush up on his Spanish!

5. Business cards – I got these cards ages ago when I started blogging. Actually they’ve got the same ship that you see at the top of the page. My name isn’t the same now so time to toss them.

 

Today’s Three Keeps

1. The Encyclopedia of Crystals by Judy Hall – I use this book all the time to look up stone properties while making jewelry.

2. My Life Book – Get instructions on how to make your very own Life Book here: chinabrooks.com/life-book

AND I JUST discovered her little video of us working on our life books – that’s me on the floor back in 2011, I guess, cuz I was still blonde! (I didn’t even know this video was out there. Love it).

3. Manduka Eco Travel Yoga Mat – I love this mat. Most yoga mats are made with chemical crap, and they’re too thick or heavy to travel well with, or your hands slip. I’ve been traveling with and using this mat for a year and a half now and it’s still in great condition. Highly recommended!

 

In the video I talk about the process of releasing triggering the fear of abandonment – I originally heard the idea from Eloheim – see the video on clearing clutter here. Good wisdom.

Also in the video you saw some photos in my Life Book of the Abraham-Hicks cruise to Greece – I WANT TO GO ON THIS. Feel free to buy us both tickets!

Happy LightLiving!

The LightLiving Challenge – Day 1

I’ve been a nomad for almost two years now and I still feel like I’ve got too much stuff.

It’s weighing me down and I’m ready to shift. Time to take clutter-clearing to the next level!

I’ve been stalking minimalist bloggers online for years – there’s the ‘100 Things‘ Challenge, where you try to get the items you own down to 100; there’s minimalist fashion, where you choose 33 clothing items to wear for 3 months.

But I’m gonna do it my own way.

I will also be recording a video every day to share the process with you, delving into the psychological reasons for clutter and holding on. (And you get to see all my junk!)

The video part will be especially challenged as I’ve never really vlogged, but China Mae Brooks is one of my vloggy inspirations and lately I’ve been feeling compelled to start vlogging. (Plus I’m living in Italy and it’s springtime and you should really enjoy it with me).

So that’s that.

I want to be lighter, freer, clearer.

Simplify.

Clarify.

Focus.

Freedom.

Trust.

Love lets go when fear wants to hold on.

I Choose to Let Go.

Monsanto = Satan AND Awesome Stone Town!

Just in case you don’t already know this, Satan exists.

And its current name is Monsanto.

I’m now in a place (emotionally and spiritually) where I can hear/read about Monsanto without having a nervous breakdown (as I did in January 2011, though I probably didn’t mention it to you as it was a small one).

Why am I talking about this depressing topic? Well, the ElephantJournal article “Monsanto: The Most Evil Company in the Universe” showed up in my twitter feed today.

And you know what? I was ready. I was ready to face it. I feel strong enough in myself at this moment that I knew I wouldn’t start crying or get utterly depressed. I was ready to shift on this topic.

Though I’ve tried to avoid it the past year or two, I was actually thinking about Monsanto around the time of my birthday last month. I am doing Creative Life Coaching sessions with Lakshmi (she’s amazing) and she mentioned that the topics that upset us most can show us where our passions lie, and hence the direction to move in in our lives – our purpose for being here on the planet on this go-’round.

I wrote the word “Monsanto” in my notes; at the end of our session I copy/pasted/Skyped my responses to her questions and exercises and sent them back to her.

Lakshmi lives in Portugal; much of Portugal is GMO-Free, and Lakshmi hadn’t heard of the corporation Monsanto.

So when she saw the word she thought I was talking about the Portuguese town of Monsanto – which I, on the other hand, had never heard of, but had seen a photo of once.

Here’s some crazy synchronicity:

This town Monsanto in Portugal is pretty much THE COOLEST PLACE I HAVE EVER SEEN.

 

Monsanto, Portugal

IT’S BUILD INTO/WITH BOULDERS!

!!!!!!!! HOW COOL IS THIS???

You don’t even understand. Aside from living in a tree house (see my post on how I Want To Live In a Tree Boat House – yes I made it up), living in boulders is pretty much my wet dream. I’ve loved rocks since I can remember,  I grew up bouldering in Southern California, and I have spent hours clamoring over and sprawled across boulders. I don’t really understand why, but I love boulders big time.

So when I saw how this heavy word, THE most upsetting word in the human language (for me anyways) could be shifted in an instant to something so unbelievably cool that I hadn’t even known had existed -

This gave me hope.

Hope that I could overcome the rage/fury/terror that would come up when I heard or saw the word Monsanto.

Because now I know a secret. That yes, Monsanto is a horrible evil life-threatening monster that is overrunning the globe and polluting nature with man’s hubristic fiddling (and the results of man’s hubristic fiddlings are never good; the Greeks knew that).

But now I know that when I think of Monsanto the horror, I can ALSO think of Monsanto the Magical. Monsanto the Magical Boulder Town, which I will someday visit, I sweartogod, if not possibly live.

I can’t wait to go. It’s like combining two of my favorite things, boulders and rooftops!!!

 

Anyways, what do we do when faced with the satanic behemoth monster that is called Monsanto, the one that helped make the nuclear bomb and agent orange and DMT and bovine growth hormone?

Here’s what we do:

1. We educate ourselves as to what vendors sell/products are made using Genetically Modified Organisms and we consciously choose to stop “feeding” them with our money energy (I’m sorry to tell you that Whole Foods surrendered to Monsanto back in 2011, hence my breakdown).
2. We learn to grow our own food.
3. We create local and independent seed banks to protect and share naturally-occurring heirloom seeds.
4. And we enjoy the f#@% out of our delicious, local, organic food.

 

And then, we all go visit Portugal.

Setting Inner Greatness Free

“The word education derives from the Latin educare, which means “to draw forth from within.” Unfortunately, much of our educational system has fallen into the regime of “pound in from without.” Real education recognizes that each student embodies genius unique to him- or herself, and the goal of learning is to set inner greatness free.”                                                            -Alan Cohen

Every morning I read the day’s entry in ‘A Daily Dose of Sanity’ by Alan Cohen. I started back in 2007 with ‘A Deep Breath of Life,’ also by Alan. He’s one of my favorite spiritual/self development authors for his insight and sense of humor.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m here to do: my purpose / soul’s calling / what I choose to create / how to use my gifts and enthusiasm and energy for the highest good. AND how to ‘survive’ in this material world – how to get paid (and be open to receiving) doing what I love. Getting over the fear blocks of not-good-enough and just GIVING, being of service, creating all the value I can for others.

Synchronistically, I took a break from writing this entry to attend the ‘sermon’ at the Ceremony of Light (like mass, but the Ananda Ashram version), and today’s talk was about education. The guest speaker was a man who’s the head of the Education for Life schooling system, inspired by Paramahansa Yogananda.  He spoke about how education up to this point was focused on suppression rather than encouraging the unique, individual growth and development of children; he spoke of the gifts and examples of love and trust that children have to offer, how children have higher vibrations than most adults, and how they’re naturally closer to God.

As a bright and talkative child, I received years of negative conditioning in school, being frequently punished, isolated, sent outside or to the principal’s office for not sitting down and shutting up. I’ve had to work hard to undo these internalized messages of wrongness, and am still doing the work today. Probably due to my experiences, I’m fascinated by the movement towards child-centered education, unschooling, and child-driven schooling. (check out an amazing TED talk here).

These last few years I’ve been teaching myself to tune out the negative conditioning and follow my bliss, follow what excites me, do what I love, and trust that everything will work out. It’s often uncomfortable, stressful, scary and challenging, but as my life becomes more and more what I want it to be and I feel freer and more fulfilled, the more I feel that I’m on the right path, and the easier it is to trust.

I was not raised and educated in a system that encouraged me to “set my inner greatness free,” but as an adult, this is what I’ve chosen to be my life’s work. And my life’s play. I hope that our children and future generations won’t have to do all of the un-doing that I see myself and many others having to do; the work of un-schooling, de-programming and healing.

Trust is still the biggest challenge at the moment – trusting that I have value to give, that I deserve to receive in return, and that if I continue to follow my bliss/intuitions/dreams, that everything will work out.

I’ve been moving beyond my fearful perfectionist/protectionist/procrastination habits and creating – like the building the temporary website for the Academy www.awakeningartsacademy.com and putting together this video – my first attempts at building websites and editing videos. I’ve also made more necklaces and will be posting them online, available for sale.

Garnet & Onyx Prayer Wheel Necklace on Snowy Buddha, Feb 2013

And, inspired by my soul-sister and amazing blogger China Brooks, I’ve added a donation button at the bottom of my blog. Over this past year and a half of nomadic traveling and self-discovery, many have told me that I’ve inspired them. I know how good it feels to give, and I’ve been told that if you don’t allow others to give back, in a way you’re stealing from them – stealing the opportunity for them to show their appreciation and support, and to receive the gift of giving.

So, if you ever feel so inspired, I will happily and joyfully accept your donations!

I’m full of gratitude today as I transition into this next phase of my life, setting more and more of my inner greatness free! Thank you for coming along with me on this journey…

“Everyone has a bankable talent. You came to earth for a purpose. On the deepest level you are here for a spiritual purpose, to discover your identity and your value in the cosmic plan. You also have a form of expression in the world, to serve others while fulfilling yourself. Do not stop until you have tapped into your talent and expressed it. It is why you are here.

Talents are valuable only if you use them. If you “hide your light under a basket,” the light doesn’t get to do what it was created to do. If you ignore or deny your talents, the world misses the blessing you were born to bring to it, and you miss the spiritual and material reward you deserve.” – Alan Cohen, ‘Trust Your Talent’

“Never underestimate the power of any act of courage or kindness. When you live in alignment with your true self, you send out ripples that affect the entire universe.” – Alan Cohen, ‘Thank You For Eating The Cake’

NOW.

I was reminded by a beautiful woman today that we are essentially love, light, and ecstasy. I know this, but I don’t yet totally believe that it’s the truth about ME, and I am constantly forgetting.

Which is why I read spiritual and inspirational stuff every day. Which is why I meditate every day. Which is why I try to do as much yoga as I can. Which is why I’m living in a spiritual community with a bunch of other people who are trying to live this truth. Which is why I collect quotes.

Like these:

“Live each moment completely and the future will take care of itself. Fully enjoy the wonder and beauty of each moment.”
- Paramahansa Yogananda

“Our true home is in the present moment. To live in the present moment is a miracle. The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green Earth in the present moment, to appreciate the peace and beauty that are available now. Peace is all around us — in the world and in nature — and within us — in our bodies and our spirits. Once we learn to touch this peace, we will be healed and transformed.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”
- Eckhart Tolle

BE HERE NOW.

Super Tramp Nomad Life

I wrote this post about four months ago, but like many maaaaany blog posts I’ve written, it’s been languishing in my Drafts folder awaiting further editing. Well, I’m in Florence now, and I don’t feel like editing – I feel like going out into the summer rain and getting some gelato. So that’s what I’m doing. Please excuse the unedited rambling, says the perfectionist.

May or June, 2012, El Huecu, Argentina:

One of my oldest friends has been traveling the world since November of 2010. The other day on Facebook she posted a photo of a beach in Sri Lanka, white sanded and turquoised watered, palm trees in the distance and a few puffs of cloud in a pale blue sky, a surf board stuck in the sand. The caption: “The view from my office; busy day.” Someone asked, “Your office? What are you doing out there?” And she replied, “I’m a hobo.”

A hobo. Wiki says the word “may come from the term hoe-boy meaning “farmhand,” or a greeting such as Ho, boy!… or from the railroad greeting, “Ho, beau!” or a syllabic abbreviation of “homeward bound”.

Writer H. L. Mencken wrote this:

Tramps and hobos are commonly lumped together, but in their own sight they are sharply differentiated. A hobo or bo is simply a migratory laborer; he may take some longish holidays, but soon or late he returns to work. A tramp never works if it can be avoided; he simply travels. Lower than either is the bum, who neither works nor travels, save when impelled to motion by the police.”

I’m not sure if she’s a hobo or a tramp. It’s a shame tramp has taken on a negative connotation. I want to be a tramp! Or do I?

Being a hobo has definitely simplified my life. I’ve let go of a lot of my possessions and I’ve learned that I can live with less and less.
I feel content where I am right now, with my life right now.

Though I’m the most content I’ve ever been, there are a few small things I still struggle with: I am still working out procrastination blocks, especially when it comes to painting and writing, and I’m not currently living my intention to meditate two hours a day – one in the morning yes, but that second evening hour hasn’t happened more than a few times. I haven’t rolled out my yoga mat since I left Buenos Aires (I haven’t shaved my legs or armpits either, which is kind of awesome). I’m also eating more than my body needs, out of avoidance and self-soothing.

But I’m practicing acceptance. I saw a quote by Thich Nhat Hanh the other day that resonated with what I’ve been coming to comprehend – ‎”To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

A woman that I met here in Patagonia, who lives on a beautiful remote ranch, was wondering – does being out here in the middle of nowhere make people crazy and eccentric, or are the crazy and eccentric ones the ones who are drawn to this kind of life? And I wondered – crazy and eccentric compared to what? Eccentric, ex-centric, deviating from the circle, not having the same center. The same center as society? And of course we don’t all have the same center – our hearts and souls call each of us to our own paths, our own hero’s journeys and personal legends.

This song found me the other day as I was laying on some rocks and watching the clouds:

Ella sings of the murmur of the cottonwood trees that you see here in Patagonia, brought to Argentina by settlers, the only plant around here that’s taller than two feet. Cottonwoods, or alamos, reach straight up, towering three stories above the flat desert floor, crowding around ranches. ‘Don’t fence me in’ could be talking about physically being fenced in, but I think what’s more poignant is the longing for emotional freedom – to not be emotionally and psychologically fenced in, trapped by the opinions, expectations and judgements of others; and by the internalized fears and limitations that have been programmed into you.

It seems to me that out here, away from the crush of the judgment and opinons of the “normal” world, people are able to truly be themselves. They’re free. They’re not subject to what others think of them, and they have the freedom be wholly, unlimitedly, crazily, eccentrically themselves.

Homeward bound, searching for that center within, our souls,

We can only be free by accepting ourselves, and loving ourselves – hobo, tramp, whatever.

I find the worst things inmy life are my fears, my internal limitations that keep me stuck, that keep me suffering. The Buddhist word for suffering literally translates to ‘a stuck wheel.’ I am afraid, so I don’t do, nad then I paradoxically create the exact situation I was trying to avoid. My avoidance creates the suffering, the discomfort, the negative consequences I’m trying to hide from, that my fear is trying to protect me from. You are the only one who can fence you in.

“Las Unicas Barreras Son Mentales” Buenos Aires, Jan 2012

Las unicas barrierires son mentales- The only barriers are mental. The only limitations are mental. My only limitations are mental. I have created the sitations in my life that I don’t like, that make me uncomfortable. I am 100% responsible for the good that has come to me, the good that I’ve refused to accept, and the bad that has come to me. I’m like a racehorse. I’ve put the hobbles on myself and then wonder why I can’t run free the way my heart longs too. I wonder what’s stopping me, holding me back, tripping me up. Well, it’s me.