Disappointed or Envious?
August 16, 2013
Someone in my family told me they weren’t sure if they were disappointed or envious of me. This person said that I have so many talents and gifts, I could’ve done anything I wanted with my life, and they didn’t yet seem to think that I’d done what I was “supposed” to – echoing something that’s been repeated to me since I was young: “You’re not living up to your full potential.”
At the same time, this person admitted that they didn’t know anyone else with my capacity for enjoying life.
And so they were unsure: disappointed with what they felt I hadn’t accomplished, given my intelligence and abilities, or envious that things always seemed to work out for me and that despite a lack of clear and commonly accepted life accomplishments during the first 34 years of my life, I seemed to enjoy life more than most.
Their disappointment interested me. Within their mind there was an invisible ruler that I wasn’t measuring up to. Not good enough, incorrect, I was doing life wrong.
Yet I believe that I am doing exactly what I came here to do – enjoy life, live it, gain experience, wisdom and understanding through living and studying spirituality, myself, and the world, and share it with others.
Some people might be hurt by being told by someone that they were disappointed in them. But I saw the judgment as the judgment against oneself, a projection of the fears that spin in the mind.
Lunasea Life 
You are exactly perfect in your perfect placement right now, and now…, and all the spaces in between the nows and the sonship can feel the love and knowing that you radiate. ~sound like you don’t I. Ha! I love you and am so proud of you!
Thank you Aunt Jody! Love you and so grateful for our time together these last few months. There will be more! 😉
I often see others struggling and pretending that they have things figured out, all the while desperately clinging to the wrong things in life. I try not to judge because we are all on different paths, but when I see the people I love chasing their tails in a life of misery and distraction, it makes me sad. It’s even worse when they condemn me for my choices. In most cases I’ve been where they are but they haven’t been to where we are. Ever since I was helped to realize that everyone has their own guides and own paths they should travel on it has helped me to not feel like I have to “save” anyone anymore – what a relief!
By not buying into societal misconceptions about what we “should” spend our time doing we have literally hit the jackpot. We have won the lottery…and the prize is joy and happiness! People look for happiness their whole lives and it’s right in front of them. They often cannot silence and control their minds enough to observe their own behavior and identify their own non-helpful beliefs.
Exactly – we don’t have to save anyone! Just ourselves! And we can even relax about that part. 🙂
I am immensely grateful that I now have the freedom to spend my time as I choose – that’s the ultimate gift!